I Will Get There...To You
My Heart,I have never told you the feelings I am about to write and it is so much easier for me to write them out rather than to say them. I guess I am scared to admit my feelings or make myself vulnerable after all of the things I have been through.
When Tim walked out on me six years ago I thought my life was over. All my hopes and dreams were dashed. I didn’t know what to do, I felt shattered. All the plans I made, like buying a house and having a large family seemed like they were over.
It didn’t help that Gabe was only a year old. We were abandoned and left adrift. So after picking up the pieces of my life, I came here, to my old familiar home and my family. I went back to school and got another degree and then I met you.
I wasn’t sure what to think of you at first. You were a nice guy, someone a few years older than me but not quite the same age as Tim.
But you seemed to like a lot of the same things that I did... especially movies and television shows.
Considering that I think I have somewhat strange tastes in that area, I thought that was pretty cool.
Most important, you were such a giving person. I have never met a more giving person. Someone who thinks of others’ needs before his own needs and considers what others want.
It’s like everything you do and every gift you give is personalized because you put so much thought into it. Like buying batteries and leaving them in the living room by the Wii or bringing over extra paper towel rolls because I am running out. Those little things don’t seem romantic but they mean so much to me.
It’s been over a year since you first told me that you wanted a romantic relationship and we’d been friends for a couple of years before that.
You are so patient and kind...and so understanding and considerate about my feelings. However, I am scared to be in a relationship and give up my independence.
I am also scared of physical intimacy. You know I have only been with one man- and I feel so awkward with how to behave physically.
In closing, I want to thank you for all you have done and been to me. I have much love for you in my heart and somehow I will work all this out so we can be together.
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