I'm sorry your dog is dead

by Claudia

"My neighbor's dog, a vicious little anklebiter, finally died at the age of fourteen. Although we're all relieved he's dead, we wish to be supportive and consoling to the neighbor, without encouraging her to replace him with another similarly inbred, ungrateful cur. Here's a copy of the letter we sent her."

Dear [name];

We were surprised and dismayed to hear of the sudden demise of [dogname] last week. He was a unique and unforgettable character, and we are sure no other dog could ever take his place in your heart. Even though your days as a dog owner are now precious memories, we are sure he is wagging his adorable little tail as he smiles down upon you, knowing he will be the only dog for you, forever and ever.

If you need anything at all, please let us know. It must be so hard for you, looking at his doghouse, toys and feed dish, knowing he is gone. We'd like to extend the offer to lovingly remove all these heartbreaking reminders from your home, so you can heal in your time of grief.

With Deepest Sympathy,
[your neighbor]

Lanard's Comments - lol! Clever, crafty and empathetic at the same time, but you definitely have an agenda going in! Still your neighbor may be consoled by it...or at least by most of it that is!

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